Motherhood is molding me into the woman that I've always dreamt of being.

Motherhood is beautiful but the life that comes with it can be so very draining. I love my three little shit heads to the moon and back and probably back out to the universe on going for infinity. The love for my children is unmeasurable. I have to come here tonight though and just vent a little.  There was one day not so long ago that mother was not a name that associated with. I was JeNeal a spunky, curious, loud being who was on the search for her soul and the meaning of life. Clueless and fearful I lived this life waiting and searching for the meaning of it all. It wasn't until (8 years ago) that a little crack into my soul opened and that was the day my oldest daughter was born. It wasn't until she entered this world that I had finally found an introduction to my spirituality. It wasn't until I found and felt that love that I was able to understand on a deeper level my desire to become the woman that sat still inside of me, who wanted much more from this life and to pass on this desire to this little baby girl.
Fast forward to 8 years later, and the addition of two more gentle spirits that call me mother as well, and the woman that showed herself way back then, has now taken the wheel and leading me with my whole heart into a world that keeps me forever on my toes. Pushing me, testing me, allowing for me to keep on growing.
(I am not saying you cannot find this spark of spirituality without children, this is just how it happened for me.)
The last few days being a mother has really bit me in the butt. I've been in my shadow, only seeing the stunted work that motherhood brings. 
When will I have a moment to myself?
Will I ever be able to get what I desire?
How can I have my dream career, if all my time goes to these little humans?
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND ALLOW FOR ME TO MEDITATE!?
I know right.... so contradictory to who I am and striving to be. Constantly complaining of never having enough time to explore "JeNeal" why has she been forgotten and mother/wife be the only name I know? 
I've thought about this a lot over the past couple of weeks and never did it occur to me that it was these children who truly have brought me peace, who have truly pushed me to be better, and that it is for them that I want to conquer this cruel world; bring lightness into the dark.
Deep Breath...in and out
Deep Breath...in and out
Deep Breath...in and out
I CAN do this. but I must remember in Divine Timing. I must remember that I have to push harder, work harder, but allow for the ease to come with purpose. I must set time aside for myself which means waking up earlier and staying up a little later. I must focus on the end result and not on the time that is taken away from me but focus on the time that I HAVE BEEN GIFTED to give to these children, by helping them grow and learn to be the best version of themselves that they can be. This is my dream, to raise strong women and to teach gentleness to my strong son. 
I'm reminded each time that I get frustrated with being a mother, that there is a lesson, and these lessons are solely for my growth. 
I'm taking a class right now on how to raise children with spirituality and it couldn't have come at a better time in my life. This class is helping me understand that WE ALL as parents have fears, get frustrated, and fail, its how we use these times to develop more meaning with each and every "failure."
I know that in just a few short months, when I'll no longer have a nursing baby waking me to feed. Soon he'll be searching for his little moments of independence where he won't want mommy to feed him and hold him, he'll want to do everything by himself just like my two older girls and that I will cry that this part of my life that is consuming my every minute has faded into only a memory. Just thinking about that makes me want to bawl my eyes out. 
My children are my dream. The writer, the life-coach, the JeNeal who tries to escape from motherhood into the outside world of spiritual enlightenment who IS going to change the world, will not, and cannot grow without understanding and re-learning again and again that it IS motherhood that drives ME to be that WOMAN. 
Motherhood is my gift of growth and by learning to do it with PURPOSE and EASE will be what gets me to that end dream.
Time is nothing, minutes aren't real, but the sun rises and sets giving me new day... until the day I die. I live on a beautiful planet, surrounded by beautiful people and I get to choose how I spend these moments in the sun. I don't need minutes chasing me telling me that I'll never be enough or have enough. I am enough and I need to see the beauty in the hardships and know that although I don't always see it, with each moment of joy, and with each heart ache another piece of my soul seeps through my cracks. 
I guess in the end of things...
I create moments for myself!
I create my desires to manifest!
I am living my dream career right now as a wife and mother... and it is building me up and molding me to become the VERY BEST for when time brings different opportunities that would have never shown up otherwise.
I can create time for meditation. Shhhh. Be still. Can you hear the birds? Close your eyes, breathe deep, can you hear the wind. These little humans will giggle and sit quiet for only a minute but then again what is a minute? 
Patience. Love. Purpose. Ease. Lessons of motherhood that will GIVE forever and ever.
Yes life is hard! with and without children. BUT it is YOU who creates and designs the life that you are living. It is you who must push through the hardships and frustrations and instead of seeing them as bad things turn them into growth and expansion. Learn to communicate better and involve these little teachers in your own growth. 
Whew! I feel much better now. Looky here, I scooped out a moment to send this message and was only interrupted once to nurse my beautiful boy back to sleep. Awwwhhh... the beautiful joys of motherhood. Now I'm going to take full advantage of watching him sleep, before I know it--- this will only be a memory. 

There's ALWAYS the New Moon

All is okay...there's always the New Moon. For the past year or so I've really been tuning into the Universe and what she has to offer my soul. Her voice is soft but can be spoken so loud and clear. One of the ways the Universe talks to me is through her moon. I've learned to pay attention to Mother Moon and to dive deeper into the lessons she teaches with each phase. 

The past two weeks have been so disastrous, I was almost certain that my whole world was going to collapse and I was almost certain that I was never going to make it out alive. Having known something so deeply as a truth to find out was just the opposite really messed with my core. It made me second guess everything that I was and who I'm supposed to be. A truth unraveling into the darkest of hate can really test your faith. Now that we've pushed through it and I see it for what it is I can release the darkness and I know I'm better for it. Pushing through made me re-evaluate everything and I'm forever grateful to be able to sit with Mother Moon and hear all her love, support, and wisdom. Rebuilding, new intentions set, a new beginning, all with more love and with a slate wiped clean. New goals made with the new lessons learned and an even deeper sense of who I am was brought forth with this New Moon. As this lesson tugs on the strings of my heart, I am embraced by the Universe and forever grateful for Mother Moon and her new beginnings.

There are many forks in this journey of life, sometimes the direction you've chosen doesn't pan out the way you imagined, sometimes the path that you've chosen blows up in your face. Sometimes it doesn't but if it does (like it just did for me) try to remember.... There's ALWAYS the New Moon.


A new journey has begun and I decided that I needed to bring home some more of the Universe, so, I decided to add to my gem collection.

 

Motherhood Madness

Today is one of those days feeling the insecurities, the struggles, the pain. Today is a day I want to be left alone and to just write and express. But that isn't an option because there are littles who need fed, held, changed, entertainment, most of all love. Most of the time I can handle that EASY but today....today is not one of those days. 

I know my energy is felt in the whole house which tends to make an even bigger mess of things. The children become even more needy and every little bit of silence is consumed by cries or laughter and hyper activity and there's the television that is on with a show in hopes for just a little bit of time away but it is being drowned out by the chaos. Husband is working which is great but it leaves this mom in a maddening state. I am thankful that I know why and how to take a step inside while right in the middle of insanity. I understand the importance of my breath. In all of this I'm learning a lesson, taught to me so many times....about patience and the power of a whisper and a hug. I'm being reminded how moments fly fast and time is nothing to judge. I'm understanding that I do not hold the wheel and that my moments are are part of me, not separate, and out of my control.

I'm hearing whispers of guidance informing me that all only lasts mere seconds. Whispers to pay attention to things taken for granted. Little fingers and toes covered in slobber, his teeth (only 2) showing from a smile, giggles galore from fart noises along with other silly madness. And to take in and feel all there is to feel with each of their hugs.

Although I've screamed and freaked out a million times today, I've also been learning. The same lessons repeat until it's been learned. I think patience will always be something that I'm having to learn over over again. I'm okay with this because at the end of the day those whispers come back and they are filled with little stories of moments with the loves of my life. Moments into memories that I hope will forever remain with me.

So thank you, Bad day, for reminding me to stop and get grounded and take in a life lesson that is truly a blessing in disguise.

Feeling alone then it's time for you escape

Life moves swiftly. Growth still waiting to be seen, pushing, moving through you deeply and fully. Fear and confusion allows to be seen, heard, and felt. The power so invading, sometimes it's hard to see. Stories your body is trying to tell you but you have a hard time listening, again invasion of fear and confusion. The feeling of discomfort for falling victim to the darkness, somewhere the demons sit and wait. Moments of breathless heartache, feeling inadequate, unloved, and alone. Forgetting where you came from. Forgetting to ask for help.
In the swift movements of memories we often forget to slow down and enjoy the moment. Feeling robbed of enjoyment because there is just never enough time to do everything on that list. 
Time to escape away, it is time for a new perspective, a light leading you out of the darkness. Somewhere for silence to be found without searching. Finding a place to let go and just BE. 
Life was running together, I couldn't get away from the dishes, the laundry, and the lists. Oh those long lists of things waiting for me each and everyday. Another thing gets added daily. I'm grateful to escape.
Escape into the mountains where breathing felt easy and silence filled the space inside my mind. Children feeling free and less dependent, searching for the mystery mother nature hides within the wood. Flowers to see, smell, and touch. A beautiful site to enjoy. 
Escaping only to be found and taught lessons of growth. Days filling with millions of moments that we can only be grateful for. Knowing we were given such a beautiful gift called home that takes us deep within ourselves and finally slow down enough to see that we are surrounded by beauty and love and that we too were created out of beauty and love. 
Finally slowing down enough to understand that there is no need for fear or confusion. If we just quiet our selves we can hear the messages of the universe. While in the mountains we enjoyed a beautiful Eagle and her medicine she offered to us. 
This Eagle sits quietly perched on the tallest tree, waiting, looking, focusing. Swooping down to receive the fish that was given to her, her wings gliding smoothly, perfectly. I watch her fly to her young baby and feed him. She is teaching this baby her ways. Not only would she take food to him but would have him fly to her. There was so much beauty in this swift moment and it was a gift to me to be able to witness such beauty.
An Eagle's medicine is powerful, magical, strong, and honest. We are reminded to take a new view on the challenges that we are facing. These birds are messengers to the spirits. 

"Eagle is also linked with courage. To give up our limited perspectives, to release ourselves from comfortable, familiar thought patterns, even when they don't appear to be working, and fly into a larger world requires that we are brave enough to enter unknown realms. This is further emphasised by Native American and Celtic tales, of shamans and druids who shapeshifted into eagles. " --Ina Woolcot 

Eagle medicine is EXACTLY what I needed to get through the challenges of my everyday life. I am so grateful to be able to spend time out in nature and talking with the universe. 
Nature heals our soul. If you can't escape for days, go for a walk. There is a message there waiting for you. Listen, allow to be, feel, and see what you need to know. It can be in a flower, a child, tree. Escape and allow for spirit, the universe to speak to you. 

Om~Monday: Global Meditation for Peace with Gabby Bernstein, Deepak Chopra, and Indie Arie

There is so much ugliness going on in the world and it is time to come together and connect in a way that will help change the world.
I will be joining Gabby Bernstein, Deepak Chopra, Indie Arie and SO MANY MORE on August 8th for a global meditation for PEACE!
We often feel so helpless and most of us just try not to think about all the evil that is going on and to be honest I think that is just as bad. Ignoring the problem just because you feel helpless is not the answer.

Join the GLOBAL MEDITATION! Sign Up here!!
Check out Gabby's Website HERE she has tons of information on meditation! and she's just a really fun person to follow! <3 

Om~Monday: setting intention with meditation

When I was thinking about what I wanted to share with this post, I immediately thought of prayer. Which then led me to the search for the difference between prayer and meditation. In my search I found words from Deepak Chopra.

AHH! I see! I had figured they were pretty much the same thing. During prayer I am always setting an intention.  I am asking for blessings as well as being grateful for all that I have been blessed with. So then I thought how can I set intention with meditation and it occurred to me that I could easily do this. 
I know a lot of people don't pray because of it's huge tie to religion. If we just REMOVED religion from this and thought of prayer as intention then I think we would find a lot more people sending out strong vibrations of beautiful intentions. Avery close loved one makes it very clear that they do not pray because they do not believe in God, which is TOTALLY fine but I feel that the world is missing those massive vibrations of love sitting stagnant in their heart. You don't have to worship a "god" to pray. Pray to the earth, the moon... pray in behalf of your heart. Replace prayer with intention. 

It is during meditation that we are found in such in a beautiful state of mind and this is when we are closest to our divine spirit wouldn't now be the best time to have a prayer? 
There is so much hatred and ugliness going on in the world right now that I just couldn't help but want to set an intention of peace out into the universe and I wanted to know how to do it in the best way that I could. 
I found another great article by Deepak Chopra. He is the KING of meditation I swear. I always find great advice when reading his quotes ( I have yet to read one of his books but IT WILL HAPPEN)
His article is a great and you can go here to read it. 
I'm just going to cover the basics but you can get more detail out of that article. 
Know your intention. First of all I think it's really important that you know what intention you are wanting to set so that you can go into your meditation knowing what you are desiring to send out into the universe. Maybe even have a little statement or prayer you can say. "I ask for Peace and Love to surround those that are suffering at this time". Your intention can be anything.
Center yourself. This is so important in meditation! Take a few deep breaths, you could actually do the exercise I posted two mondays ago. (read here) Let this last for as long or as little as you would like.
Release into the Universe. While in this beautiful and rested state of mind release your prayer out into the universe. Focus on what you want to manifest and let it go. 
Detach yourself from any desired outcome.  I know that I cannot go and hug every single person out there who is hurting and I understand that some may not feel any comfort during these hard times but just my little intention that I brought with me into my meditation will have an affect on many. There is nothing more powerful than the vibration of love. And this is exactly what we want to be sending out into the universe. 
Let the Universe do her job. When we can detach ourselves from what WE THINK needs to happen we can accept what truly needs to be done. We don't always know the reasons for things but we have to believe and have faith that there is a reason for all of this. There is something greater waiting for us and we need to allow for the universe to do this part for us. Everything is of Love. We need to rest our spirits in the divine love. Allowing for things to happen with divine timing. 

Namaste and Peace be with you! 

Om~Monday: Feeling Stressed? Time to get silent.

Life can get crazy... am I right?  Feeling stressed and over-worked is just a regular part of the day, some days this stress is frequent and on other days its a breeze. Then there are the days that you just can't escape stress and it isn't just one day.. it continues onto the next and then the next and so on. Before you know it, you are spiraling down a big black hole and you just can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 
I've been here, on multiple occasions, I understand the power that stress can have over you. 
BUT I also know how to get OUT. 
It is time for you to get SILENT. 
Meditation is your answer.
I promise that if you take at least 20 minutes of your day and practice meditation, your life will change immensely. The light at the end of that dark black hole will start to shine brighter. You will be able to work through your schedule of chaos. You will breathe a lighter breath. You will be able to stand a little taller. You will begin to know how to solve all those problems that keep on coming up for you. You will find joy in the mundane that life often brings. 
I understand that we are all at different places in our lives. For me, I am a stay/work at home mother and wife, we have three children (one being 3 weeks old) and life can definitely get crazy. Maybe for you, there are no children or husband, but you have a tiring work schedule or maybe asshole co-workers. Maybe you are attending school and you have tests and projects. There is a mix of us doing a ton of different things but one thing we have in common is that stress often prevails. Also it's often that our life becomes dull, tedious, and all we have is worry and STRESS. 
Let's figure this shit out.
I can hear you saying... "I'm so busy, I don't have 20 minutes to set aside for meditation." I call bullshit we can always find a little extra time. If you are reading this then you definitely have a few minutes to spare. (Although, I'm super stoked you are spending your time with me...) 
For this next week I challenge you to 10-20 minutes of sitting quietly by yourself... MEDITATING. 
Not sure HOW to meditate. In the next few weeks I'm going to share with you some tips and different ways of meditation but for now I'm going to give you a few basics so that you don't feel entirely lost.
First of all. YOUR MIND IS GOING TO WANDER. This is okay, when you notice that you've moved away from focusing on your breath just say to your self "back to breath" and then inhale deep and continue on. You'll probably find yourself saying this MULTIPLE times for the first while. TOTALLY NORMAL. Meditation, like anything, takes practice. I still wander off into the crazies (thoughts that lead to thoughts that lead to thoughts) but I've learned to pull myself back.
Here are some basic breathing tips--

• inhale deep through your nose
• relax your tongue on the roof of your mouth right behind your front teeth
• exhale deep while pushing down and out through your stomach

Counting your breaths is an EASY and well-known way to meditate. If you only have 5 minutes to spare then start with only 5 minutes but each day try to add a little more time and get yourself to at least 20 minutes.

I've found that early in the morning, during nap time, or late evenings before bed are the best times for me. Look into your schedule and figure out a good time to set aside, a time without any interruptions. 

This is just the beginning. I don't want this post to go ON and ON and ON... and I don't want to give all you beginners too much to worry about. This exercise isn't supposed to cause MORE STRESS... it's supposed to free you from all of that yuckiness. 

I'd love to know how you did. Was this hard for you? How did you feel afterwards? Were you able to get to 20 minutes?